That Gene Has Too Many Nucleotides, Apologize!

It's often said that there's only two things a person is guaranteed to experience in their life: death and taxes. And while there are probably a few studies out there about the medical effects of taxes, death and aging are a more prurient concern for doctors around the world. We spent billions and billions of dollars to stave off the slow march of time, and while healthy eating, exercise, and abstinence from things like hard drugs helps, it can't overcome one simple truth: Our genes degrade over time. 

There's been plenty of research into telomeres specifically – the DNA at the ends of our chromosomes, which shorten and degrade as we age. When the telomere reaches a certain critical point, the cell can no longer divide and either dies or becomes senescent, a fancy word for inactive. Telomere shortening has been associated with aging, cancer, a higher risk of death, all the things that come with getting older.

That said, telomeres aren't the only part of our genetic makeup letting the side down. According to new research from four research groups across Europe, there's an entire spatial dimension conspiring against us. That's right, it's time to start body shaming those wide, fat genes for ...

It's length. The longer the gene, the more likely it is to become less active as a person ages. Which makes a lot of sense, if you think about it. If a protein going around duplicating DNA has a 99% success rate, a gene with 10,000 nucleotides will have a lot more mistakes than one with only 2,000. The more complex the machine, the easier it is to break.

This is a big change from the current prevailing approach, which focuses on specific genes, rather than gene length over the entirety of our genome. But the researchers checked the molecular data from multiple organisms, from humans to bacteria, and gene length was associated with advanced aging in everything. They also noted that the genes involved with brain loss and Alzheimer's are extremely long, and that pediatric cancer patients who undergo DNA-damaging chemotherapy often experience advanced aging.

So, if you want to stay young forever, the answer is simple: Just tell your genes to put on the jean shorts and do their best Daisy Duke impression. Now there's a mental image you probably weren't expecting to experience today.