Repost: My Favorite 5 Episodes of Spongebob

In case you haven't heard, Stephen Hillenburg, the creator of Spongebob Squarepants, died yesterday. He was diagnosed with ALS in 2017, and if you know anything about that disease, it works fast. Spongebob premiered in 1999 when I was 7 years old, and it instantly hooked me. I still remember the episode: "The Paper." It's not on this list, but it's an excellent episode. Anyway, for the next several years I would watch and rewatch Spongebob, imbibing it into my being and my soul. My sense of humor is half Spongebob quotes, and a mutual love of Spongebob is a big part of what keeps my group of friends together. We may move apart, we may talk less, but we'll all always have Spongebob.

So, to commemorate Mr. Hillensburg's life and the frankly outsize influence Spongebob has had on me, I'm reposting a list I made way back in 2014. It's my top 5 favorite episodes of Spongebob. I actually rewatched all these last night, and after almost 20 years and dozens of rewatches, these episodes still make me laugh.

5. "Wet Painters"

Spongebob and Patrick paint Mr. Krabs' house, but accidently get paint on his first dollar. Their attempts to remove said paint do not end well. Umm, I'm not entirely sure what else needs to be said about these, if you haven't watched them, you definitely should go do that. I mean, obviously, I really like these episodes, that's why they're here. I guess I'll throw in the best quote and a memorable scene. (2018 edit: Clearly the finest summation of anything ever achieved)

Best Quote:

"YOU MESSED UP MY DOLLAR...RAMA!!"

4. "Krusty Krab Training Video"

It's a very literal title for this episode, it's the official Krusty Krab training video, which all new employees must watch. It's quite a bit different from...well, everything, seeing as there really isn't a plot, or story. That's an interesting maneuver, a plotless show, yet it manages to work extremely well. It's worth noting that this episode is paired with "Wet Painters," which probably makes the best half-hour of Spongebob out there.

Best Quote:

"The ceiling is right, Squidward, you're not a very good employee."

3. "Pizza Delivery"

Back to Season 1 (like seasons matter for a show like this) for the show's first really great episode. Spongebob and Squidward deliver the first Krabby Patty pizza. Things don't go well. That could be the summary for every episode. Spongebob and somebody do something. Things don't go well. Ah well, nobody ever said a kid's cartoon would have exciting and original plots. Anyway, this episode is great, and maybe the most quotable out of the episodes on my list here.

Best Quote:

"It's not just a boulder...it's a rock!"

2. "SB-129"

Spongebob goes science-fiction in this episode. Squidward runs away to the Krusty Krab to avoid Spongebob and Patrick, gets frozen, awakes 2,000 years later, time travels back to the past, then travels to Asparagus Land. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a clip from my favorite moment on Youtube, so I'll just have to settle for the classic bit of the episode. Oh well.

Best Quote:

"Rrready to go?"
"No I'm not rrready to go!"

1. "Band Geeks"

Please, like it was ever going to be anything else. I used to have this episode completely memorized, something I managed to do without even trying. After watching it a hundred times, I just sort of absorbed it. Squidward starts a band, it doesn't go well, but when everyone goes to play, it works. It's just such a good episode, it is far and away my favorite. The others are great, but they don't really come close.

Best Quote:

"Whoever's the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on..."

And of course:

Beer of the Week

The beer: Vanilla Porter

Brewed by: Breckenridge Brewery, Littleton, Colorado

Description (from the website): "Real vanilla beans from Madagascar combined with caramel and Munich malts create a beer that’s balanced and flavorful. Aromas of vanilla and toasted grain set the stage for mellow flavors of vanilla and dark roasted malts. Don’t let its deep mahogany color fool you. Vanilla Porter is dark in color and packed with flavor, yet it is as smooth as they come and easy to enjoy at any time of the year."

Would I buy it again?: Yes, I would. I like Saranac's vanilla porter a little more than this one, but this one is a lot easier to find. It's a good beer for the winter, but it isn't so heavy that it couldn't be enjoyed at any time. And the vanilla flavor is pretty good and not so strong as to be overwhelming.

Review: Keney Park Golf Course (Part 2)

It's time for the back nine at Keney Park, if you haven't seen the front yet go here.

The tenth hole is a par 5, and at 533 yards is the longest hole at Keney Park. The trick here is to hit a draw off the tee to reach the downslope. Doing that will give you extra roll and a great chance to go at the green in two. Or rather, that's how it works in dry conditions. In wet conditions, it's much more likely you'll be playing this as a three shot hole. The decision to be made on the second is whether or not to carry over the big fairway bunker cutting in about 80 yards from the green. The green itself is open, but there are plenty of knobs and bumps to complicate matters, depending on where the hole is. A bump on the very front-right section of the green made the hole location of the day quite tricky, especially if you're short in three.

The tenth hole.

The fairway bunker on 10 is quite large.

The tenth green.

This front-right hole location is brutal if you're short. The knob really gets in the way.

The eleventh hole is the toughest hole at Keney Park. I don't care that the scorecard says that the seventh is the number 1 handicap hole, when you throw a 240 yard par 3 surrounded by a stream and tall grass at the golfer, that is the toughest hole. It's a bit downhill, but that's not much compensation. You might be better off playing it as a par 4. Lay up on the fairway with an iron and then pitch onto the green. Otherwise, it's a wood or long iron to a very uninviting target. At the very least, the green is subdued. It's probably the easiest on the course.

The eleventh hole.

Even from here, it's not an inviting shot.

The twelfth hole is a short 320 yard par 4 that plays significantly downhill. Obviously, the most notable feature of this hole is the graveyard to the right and behind the green. The hole is called Soldiers Field, and the graveyard is filled with upwards of 5,000 soldiers. For the golfer, that means the stone wall is OB and that you don't want to go right. Considering the stream left you might think this is a lay-up hole. However, the hole does widen at around the 250 yard point as the stream bends to the left, and if you land a drive past the high point in the fairway, you'll get plenty of roll. Basically you should give yourself whatever shot you feel comfortable with to attack this green, which is very much not flat. Any putts not on the same level as the flag will be extremely difficult.

Definitely don't want to go right on 12.

The twelfth green.

The thirteenth hole is a 190 yard par 3 that for some reason is called Peninsula. I guess it did give the hole an element of surprise, because when we stepped up too the tee, we were not expecting to be confronted with a classic Redan. The strategy, of course, is to draw an iron towards the flag rather than aiming directly at it. The slope is your friend, and will guide golf balls down. If you end up in one of those bunkers... well, have fun. They're all at least 10 feet below the level of the green, which is highly built up over its surroundings.

Fun fact, if you miss long right, your ball will kick off a slope and into a native area. Definitely didn't find that out the hard way.

The thirteenth hole.

My brother and I are both quite tall, but the front left bunker is even taller.

The fourteenth hole is the final par 5 at Keney Park. It doglegs to the right, but the ideal tee shot is out toward the left or in the middle of the fairway. Not only is there OB right, but trees hang over the fairway and block out the green. If you're in the proper position, the green is very easily reachable, and if you can go for the green, you really should. There are no greenside bunkers, but there's a big fairway bunker and a small pot bunker right where lay-ups would end up.

The fourteenth hole.

The green is behind the treeline on the right.

The smallest bunker I've ever seen.

The fourteenth green.

The fifteenth hole is a straight, mid-length par 4 with some very dramatic terrain, even by Keney Park standards. The fairway starts off high and then tumbles down the hill toward the narrow stream. Most drives will end up on the flat area short of the stream and right of the hill. The second shot is back up the hill to a green that slopes sharply from back to front. In addition, any shot that fails to reach the green will roll back down, and will roll down a lot. A shot that lands 5 feet short could easily end up 50 yards away. This is definitely one of the harder holes on the back nine.

The fifteenth hole.

It's interesting how simple elevation change can be such an effective hazard.

The fifteenth green.

The sixteenth hole is slightly shorter than the last hole and runs in the opposite direction. It's also the weakest hole on the course. The main reason is the big tree on the right side of the hole. Without it, golfers could bail out away from the stream left in exchange for a tougher second shot. With it, this hole becomes a simple hit a straight drive, hit the green sort of hole. It doesn't help that the hole is extremely flat. All in all, this just isn't a very interesting hole.

The sixteenth hole.

It started to rain at about this point.

The sixteenth green.

The seventeenth hole is an interesting hole. At 370 yards, it isn't long, but a bunker eats into the fairway and must be cleared to obtain a decent shot at the green. Lay up short and you'll have a long, blind approach. The green complex is a funky one. The green itself is not large but features a ridge running through the middle and a significant left to right slope. If that wasn't enough, there's also a Principle's Nose bunker cluster right in front of the green. I'm not sure how necessary the Principle's Nose is to the strategy of the hole, but it's interesting having it.

The seventeenth hole.

The Principle's Nose bunkers are right in front of the green.

The seventeenth green is definitely an unusual one.

You don't normally see par 3s as a closing hole, but Keney Park has been thoroughly unorthodox this whole time, so an unorthodox conclusion seems appropriate. However, this is also one of the weakest holes on the course. It's semiblind and there isn't a whole lot of drama anywhere. The green is set in a punchbowl, so shots will funnel in toward the center of the green. The green itself is one last foray into insanity. Lots of bumps and dips to consider while putting. I think I would have enjoyed the hole more if it hadn't been cut at the top of a mound. It was a silly hole location that was nearly impossible to get a lag putt close to.

The eighteenth hole. It was really raining hard at this point.

The eighteenth green down in a small depression.

One last crazy green.

It's unfortunate that two of Keney Park's weakest holes come at the very end of the round, but that's the way it goes sometimes. However, it doesn't take away from the fact that this is still a fantastic golf course and one of the best I've ever played. It's quirky and bold, the first few holes feature an incredible diverse and intriguing landscape, it has strategy almost everywhere, it's walker-friendly, and you can play it for $40. And that's not even mentioning the presence of replica holes. It's a simple truth that nearly all the golf courses designed in the Macdonald/Raynor style are private, and the ones that are public are associated with resorts and very expensive. If you want replica holes, the Macdonald/Raynor aesthetic, and value all at the same time, I'm not sure you could do better than this. If you're in the Hartford area and you don't play here, I would say you're missing out. It's a fun golf course, and I'd play there again any time.

Before I finish, I do want to say one thing about Keney Park for the golf course architecture nerds out there. If you're looking for a true Devereux Emmet design, you may be disappointed. Other than the routing, there isn't much left of the original design. Devereux Emmet may have been a friend and associate of C.B. Macdonald, but he didn't build replica holes. Of course, the original course also had no bunkers and apparently suffered from a lack of drama on the greens, something the current course has NO trouble with. What I'm trying to say is that Keney Park really isn't a Devereux Emmet/Robert Ross course. It was renovated, not restored. I think that was a good thing, and I think Hartford did a good thing spending all that money on Keney Park. But I just wanted to mention this for completeness' sake.

Beer of the Week

The beer: JavaHead Stout

Brewed by: Tröegs Brewing Company, Hershey, Pennsylvania

Description (from the website): "JavaHead is like a day at Tröegs; it’s hard to tell where the coffee ends and the beer begins. This creamy oatmeal stout is infused with locally roasted, cold steeped coffee through our HopBack vessel releasing subtle hints of cocoa, roasted nuts and dark mocha."

Would I buy it again?: Yes, but that has less to do with my enjoyment of this particular beer and more to do with the fact that I visit the Tröegs brewery on occasion and I limit the number of Troegenators I let myself get. It's a good beer, and in isolation, I'd get it more often. But Tröegs has better beers, at least in my opinion.

Review: Keney Park Golf Course (Part 1)

It's a familiar story. An old Golden Age golf course, open to the public, is poorly managed and not given enough money for maintenance. Features laid out carefully to test the golfer and make them think disappear. Greens shrink, bunkers are grassed over. Then the grass itself starts to die. As the course conditions get worse and worse, people are less inclined to visit, the budget shrinks to compensate, and the cycle begins again. It's a grim fate, and numerous golf courses have died through that process. Luckily, Keney Park Golf Course was not one of them.

Pictured above: A not-dead golf course.

The front nine at Keney Park was originally designed by Devereux Emmet, a noted golf course architect who frequently associated with C.B. Macdonald. The back nine was built by Robert Ross (no relation to Donald Ross) a few years later. Unlike many old municipal golf courses that were once private but bought up by the town, Keney Park was always a public course. Fast forward to the 2000s. The course is still owned by the city of Hartford but is managed by an outside company. That outside company did a terrible job, and naturally, the course suffered for it. Things got so bad that in 2013, the city stepped in, took control of the course entirely, and invested several million dollars in a full renovation, which was completed in 2016. This renovation changed the nature of the course completely, making it highly reminiscent of a C.B. Macdonald/Seth Raynor golf course, with a generous portion of replica holes scattered around the property. How did that work out? Let's find out.

The first hole at Keney Park does a good job of setting the tone for the round. It's a short par 4 that plays over rolling, but not excessively hilly, terrain. Keney Park is a absolutely walkable golf course, but it definitely isn't flat. The heaving fairway lends this hole a lot of interest. It was very wet when we played here, so shots wouldn't roll off the steep slopes as easily. That meant you could end up with some very interesting stances. I'm sure it would be more entertaining dry, but the hole, and the course in general, was still plenty good without roll. And the entertainment continued at the green. Keney Park has the most entertaining set of greens I've ever played, surpassing even P.B. Dye. This one has a deep swale cutting through the middle of the green. It's very reminiscent of a Biarritz swale, but this isn't the official Biarritz green at Keney Park. That will come later.

Also, I want to mention the tee of this hole, which is an extension of the putting green. Atlantic City Country Club did the same thing; I appreciated it then and I appreciate it now.

The first hole.

The first few holes have lots of these sorts of undulation.

The first green, with its not-quite Biarritz swale.

The second hole is a 510 yard par 5 that is, frankly, not very good. Despite being on the shorter side, this hole is a double dogleg, with both doglegs being of the 90 degree variety. The forest on the far side of the dogleg cuts drives off at about 260-270 yards. And you don't want to be pressed right up against the left side for your second, as that forest continues on for a decent length. Your second shot would almost have to aimed away from the hole. Trying to cut the dogleg by flirting with the right trees isn't a good idea either, as there is a stream cutting the hole in two right where such a drive would end up. A stream you can't see from the tee. Blind water hazards are, to be blunt, really annoying. Frankly, out of the three of us, it's a miracle no one lost a golf ball on the drive. You might be best off using an iron off the tee and advancing about 200 yards. The second shot, no matter where you are, must contend with the massive fairway bunker benched into the hillside in order to get the best angle into the green, which is tucked into a corner of the property, backed by forest and guarded right and long by a series of bunkers.  I have a feeling that this hole worked better in the 1930s when driving distances were shorter, and also, I don't really appreciate having to plod along on a short par 5. The proper way to play the hole is boring, and I'm not a fan of that.

Not much to see on the second tee.

Still not much to see, other than a large bunker.

It takes a while before you can see the second green.

The second green, tucked into the forest.

The third hole is a fairly short downhill par 3 that plays over a small stream to an elevated green. There are many places you don't want to be, most notably long or short right. The green is shallow and noticeably tilted from back to front. Go long and there's a very good chance your second shot will run right through the green. The reason for avoiding the bunker short right should be obvious from the picture. It isn't the deepest bunker at Keney Park, but it is the first encounter with a bunker of that type. This is a very "hit the green or you're in trouble" kind of hole.

The third hole.

A more clear picture of why you don't want to be in the bunker short right.

The fourth hole is a medium length par 4, and once again the golfer is confronted with the very rolling nature of the landscape. The fairway is pinched where a driver would go by a fairway bunker and the treeline left, so a wood or long iron is probably the best choice. The resulting wedge or short iron is to a green sweeping off of a large mound short and left. Any shots hit left will funnel down toward the flag. This is a good opportunity for a birdie.

The fourth hole.

Any shot hit left of the fourth green will bounce right.

The fourth green.

The fifth hole is called Long (Yes, the holes all have names on the scorecard), but it's only the third longest par 4 at Keney Park. At 430 yards, it's no pushover though. It is very important to keep the tee shot on the right side of the fairway, as shots hit too far left will likely be blocked out by trees overhanging the fairway in between the landing area and the green. The second is over a valley filled with moguls and mounds, and it lends a fair amount of dramatic flair to the hole. The green has bunkers lurking left, but otherwise, it's is one of the tamer greens at Keney Park.

The fifth hole. You don't want to be where that cart is. Also note the top-shot bunker right in front of the tee.

The fifth green.

Hopefully this gives you some idea of the scale of the undulation in front of the green.

Looking back down the fifth fairway.

The sixth hole is a short par 3, and while it's called Short, it's not quite the classic Macdonald Short. Those have horseshoe-shaped ridges contained within their massive greens, which are surrounded with sand. That's not to take anything away from this green, which is plenty quirky enough on its own. It's big but not huge, and has plenty of humps and bumps. Except for a small section to the right, the green is fronted by deep bunkers. Basically, you want to hit this green. If you don't, well, have fun.

The sixth hole.

Plenty of things going on within the sixth green.

The seventh hole leaves the rolling section of the property for a smoother, flatter, more typical topography. This is a very long par 4, stretching 455 yards. The tee shot isn't difficult, but the fairway isn't particularly wide, and you really do want to be in the fairway. If not, you risk bringing the fairway bunker 50 yards short of the green into play. It's at the green that things get interesting. Traditionally, Biarritz holes are par 3s, but having a Biarritz green on a long par 4 achieves a similar effect. Much like the first, the swale runs diagonally across the green, which is something that I like. And obviously, you do not want to be on the wrong side of the swale. I wish I could tell you what it's like putting through it, but my brothers and I were very careful and kept ourselves on the correct side of the green.

The seventh hole.

This is not an easy second shot.

The seventh green.

Hopefully this gives you some idea of how big the Biarritz swale is.

Another view of the seventh green.

The eighth hole is a mid-length par 4, running parallel to the last hole. Once again, there are no fairway bunkers, but if you're smart, you won't miss right. The green might be relatively tame compared with some of the other greens this course has to offer, but I would not call it flat. Of course, it's not the green you have to worry about. To the right is the most elaborately shaped bunker I have ever seen. It's somewhat reminiscent of the Church Pew bunker at Oakmont, but the rows in that are contained within the bunker. With this, the sand sort of zigzags around the grass rows. Unlike the last hole, I did get to experience this hole's unique feature. Ultimately, I suppose it is just a bunker, but hey, it was a cool-looking bunker.

The eighth hole. There's another top-shot bunker.

Everything seems fairly normal from here.

But there is bunkering of a truly epic scale by the eighth green.

This is not an ideal place to be.

The ninth hole is, at 460 yards, the longest par 4 at Keney Park, slightly beating the seventh. The bunker you can see off the tee isn't in play, but there's a tiny pot bunker on the left side of the fairway that is a potential issue for the long hitters. Also an issue? Overhanging trees on the left side that really get in the way of drives hit down the left side. They should really be trimmed, because going down the left should be the better option, as it lets you avoid the hole's most obvious defense - its Road bunker. Obviously, you don't want to go in that, but if anything, bailing out left of the green is an even worse idea, as the green slopes from left to right. Miss left, and it's very possible you'll be hitting out of the Road bunker on your fourth shot. Right is actually the better miss, the Road bunker is small and easily avoided considering the amount of fairway right and the length of the green. Still, it's another tough par 4 to finish the front nine.

The ninth hole. The visible bunker isn't an issue.

Not a bad place to be on your drive. Notice the little Road bunker eating into the green.

The ninth green. Short right was a good miss.

That's it for this week, next week we'll take a look at the back nine.