Review: River Downs Golf Club (Part 2)

It's time to check out the back nine at River Downs, go here to see the front.

The first thing you'll notice when you step onto the tenth tee is that there doesn't appear to actually be a tenth hole. Just a small gap in a line of trees leading down at least a hundred feet into the river valley far below. That tiny sliver of fairway 200-plus yards out is in fact your target on this 380-yard par 4. Now of course there's more fairway than it looks from the tee, but not that much more. And with how inaccurate this course can be with provided distances, I honestly have no idea what club you would hit to find this fairway. Probably a long iron, but even that's a guess. 

Assuming you've gotten lucky and not hit your drive into the trees left or gone through the fairway onto the railroad, you should have a slightly uphill wedge second to a semiblind green with a single bunker front right. But there's no sugarcoating this one; the tenth is just not a good hole. Maybe I could let the drive go if there was space beyond the fairway to not lose your golf ball or if the hole didn't bend nearly 90 degrees left, but there's just so little space available with the angle the fairway is tilted at. And with the hole being so far downhill, successfully judging the distance you need to hit your drive, particularly if it's your first time at the course, is just not possible without a bit of luck.

The tenth hole. Sort of, anyway.

Approaching the tenth green.

The tenth green.

The eleventh hole is a par 3 playing 170 yards over the Patapsco River to a semiblind green perched on top of a small bluff. The green is bunkerless and pretty straightforward, if a bit small, so if you do make it up on top, you have a chance at making birdie. It's not as egregiously terrible as the last two holes, but the most interesting thing about the eleventh has very little to do with the actual hole.

As you're traveling from the tenth green to this tee, you pass by what is pretty clearly an old tee box, and the eleventh tee itself is located on a big, wide-open field that's both flat and devoid of trees. This field bears a striking resemblance to an old fairway, and my brother and I theorized that the eleventh hole of today is not the original hole. A quick trip to Google Earth confirmed this hypothesis; the hole was originally a par 4 with the tee 200 yards further back, and was changed sometime between 2002 and 2005. This obviously begs the question of why the hole was altered. My guess? With the fairway being flat and located right along the river, I bet they had issues with flooding. The fairway probably didn't drain right and got to be in such bad shape that the management decided to build a tee forward and have everyone play from there, limiting the damage done by divots to one spot and circumventing the flooding issues.

The eleventh hole.

The eleventh green.

The twelfth hole is 570 yards, and much like the ninth, you really do feel every bit of that length, as the first two-thirds of the hole plays steadily uphill through a rather snug playing corridor tilted sharply from right to left. Seriously, this drive is narrow, and with the fairway playing bone dry, any sort of draw or hook runs the risk of diving into the left trees, even if it lands in play. You have slightly more space if you lay back, but when the hole is this long, you really don't want to use less than driver. Thankfully, the hole does open up once you pass the 200-yard marker, though of course that also means all you need to do on the second is advance the ball. A solid second will leave a little wedge into the green, which has two bunkers right. This is definitely not a good hole, but at the very least it's not as aggressively stupid as the first and ninth. 

The twelfth hole.

Approaching the twelfth green.

The twelfth green.

The thirteenth hole is a short 340-yard par 4 with a fairway that slopes pretty severely from left to right, against the curve of the fairway. An aggressive drive that carries the fairway bunker in the corner of the dogleg will bound down very close to the green, but the fairway narrows between trees left and O.B. right, so any driver not precisely struck will likely disappear. The safe play is a long iron off the tee, leaving a pretty straightforward wedge for the second shot to a green fronted by two small bunkers. 

The thirteenth hole.

The thirteenth green.

The fourteenth hole is 195 yards and plays significantly downhill to a shallow green surrounded by five bunkers. If it sounds like a rather tall order to hit a green with so little green to work with – and where using the ground game is impossible – that's because it kind of is. Perhaps I'm letting my personal experience with the hole get in the way (I hit what I thought was an excellent tee shot, only for the ball to land in the one spot on the entire course that wasn't bone dry, resulting in my shot not bouncing onto the green and a frustrating bogey), but I just don't think this is a very good hole.

The fourteenth hole.

The fourteenth green.

The fifteenth hole is the longest par 4 at River Downs at 430 yards, so naturally, water just had to be involved. The fairway narrows at roughly the halfway point of the hole, pinched in by a pond left and the river just out of sight to the right. There is a decent amount of space short of the pond, but then you're leaving yourself 200 yards for the second shot. The water extends the whole way down to the left side of the green, but there is space right to bail out, which is a pleasant small mercy for the hole to offer.

The fifteenth hole.

Approaching the fifteenth green.

The fifteenth green.

The sixteenth hole is a fairly short par 4 at 355 yards, and you'll never guess what the strategy is on the tee shot.

That's right, it's another forced lay-up with a long iron or fairway wood! While the fairway is wide, it turns nearly 90 degrees right about 225-250 yards out, and with dense trees effectively blocking any attempts to cut the dogleg, you really have no choice but to play conservatively. That will leave a simple wedge into a medium-sized green with absolutely no trouble even remotely close by. This really is a nothing sort of hole beyond the difficulty your own ability (or lack thereof) brings to it.

The sixteenth hole.

Approaching the sixteenth green.

The sixteenth green.

If I had a dollar for every time River Downs forces you to use less than driver on a par 5, I'd have three dollars. That's right, everyone's favorite terrible design strategy appears once again on the seventeenth, a short par 5 just under 500 yards. At the very least, if you aim down the left side, flirting with the trees, you can hit 3 wood. That does potentially bring the green into reach with the second shot, especially since you'll have a better angle. The green (and hole) is bunkerless, but there's a steep falloff into brush and forest short right that will catch out any weakly struck approaches.

The seventeenth hole.

Approaching the seventeenth green.

The seventeenth green.

In a decision that I'm 100% sure was intentional and totally not "oh dear, we've run out of space for our last hole," the eighteenth hole is a 210-yard par 3. Not something you see very often. Of course, don't think that means it's an easy hole. The green juts out on a small promontory, with a brush-filled ravine lurking short and right. There is some space to bail out left, but not a lot, and it's hardly an easier carry. You only have to carry the tee shot 150 instead of 180. I suppose the hole is certainly dramatic, but after so many forced carries, I was hardly excited to finish off the round like this. 

The eighteenth hole.

The eighteenth green.

So, how do I wrap up my thoughts about River Downs succinctly?

Yeah, it's pretty bad.

But it is unenjoyably bad, or is it more in the "so bad it's good" category? That is a trickier question. There's definitely some weird stuff going on, and my brother and I did get at least a little amusement out of how bad some of the holes were. That ninth hole in particular is one to remember. But there were also a lot of holes where you just get literally nothing to work with. Holes that are just dull and boring, with no imagination, no personality, no strategy, just hit ball, find it, and hit it again.

I will say this, I would rather play River Downs than Maryland National again. That's an incredibly low bar to clear, admittedly, but it does just barely hobble over. There is some entertainment to be gleaned here, even if it's only to point and laugh at the absolutely abysmal playing conditions (seriously, it was so bad). And while $54 for 18 is still highway robbery for what you get, that's still comfortably less than what Maryland National charges.

Would I like to play here again? Absolutely not. Would I pick this over some other courses like Maryland National or the Links at Challedon (which features a similar disjointed routing to River Downs as well as terrible condition, but lacks this course's meager charm). If you put a gun to my head, yes. And if that isn't a rousing way to conclude the review, I don't know what is.

Beer of the Week

The beer: The Rube

The brewery: Attaboy Beer, Frederick, Maryland

Description (from Untappd): "Crazy excited to share our latest from the cellar, The Rube. This spelt saison has been aging for ten months in wine barrels before another two bottle & keg conditioning. And whoa nelly, we couldn’t be happier with the result. He has a nice lemony zip backed up with a touch of funk and hay. A real delight. Come give this country bumpkin a try."

Would I buy it again? I don't think I'd buy this again, since I don't really care for tart beers (or tart anything), but this beer did grow on me as I drank it. It's definitely got some white wine flavor to it as well, which does help. It's definitely not a bad beer, and if tart is more your style, I think you'll get a lot more out of it than I did. It's just not for me.

Review: River Downs Golf Club (Part 1)

There are some golf course architects where, when you look at their work, you have to wonder just how they got hired to build so many courses. Somehow, Arthur Hills was responsible for building over 200 golf courses, all over the world, and while River Downs, located just outside the furthest reaches of Baltimore's northwestern suburbs, is only the third Arthur Hills course I've played, I feel confident in saying this: I have no idea how the guy got so much work.

Maybe he just didn't like Maryland. Maryland National is terrible (though admittedly, that wasn't entirely his fault), Waverly Woods is okay-ish, and River Downs is ... well, I didn't want to go play it because I thought it looked good. Really, all I was hoping for was bad in an entertaining fashion. Did River Downs at least manage that? Let's find out.

The first hole is certainly an auspicious start to proceedings; at 500 yards, it initially seems like a great opportunity to start the round off with a birdie. Then you're confronted with a precipitous downhill tee shot to a fairway bisected by a stream halfway through and you're forced to wonder: "What in the world do I hit on this tee shot?" A yardage is provided on the hole information sign next to the tee, but typically, it's wrong. Either that or I hit a 300-yard 3 wood into an untenable position at the bottom of the hill, behind the cluster of trees to the right. My only option was to pitch 50 yards in the literal wrong direction back to the fairway. This is what some might term "less than ideal." 

So, since clearing the stream is out (that is too far), your only real option on the tee is to use an iron. I guess that's one way of making this hole play as a three-shotter. From so far back (and from a steeply downhill stance), this green is pretty much out of reach in two, which means the second shot is kind of boring. Just advance the ball over the stream and you're fine, though if you can favor the left side, that will give you a better angle into the long, narrow green, which has two small bunkers right. 

The first hole.

Approaching the first green.

The first green.

At the very least, the second hole is more honest about how far you can hit your tee shot before dropping down into oblivion. It is still another long iron though, which means you'll have something between 150 and 200 yards for your second shot on this 420-yard par 4. Most of which is forced carry to a shallow green with a deep bunker left. 

There was a group of golfers ahead of us for the first few holes who were clearly not very good, and there's no way they were able to clear these various ravines on a reliable basis. Only their best shots would do it. And while they might be okay with losing 15 golf balls during a round, that doesn't mean this sort of design is okay. It ruins the rounds of poorer golfers, and for those of us who have no issue carrying a golf ball 150 yards, it just presents an irritation, not an actual hazard.

The second hole. I think, at this point, you can kind of tell that maintenance here leaves something to be desired. That front tee was an absolute atrocity.

Approaching the second green.

The second green.

The third hole is a simple but subtly challenging short par 3, playing 155 yards downhill to a green that slopes from front to back. Holes like this are all about distance control; with the green below you and the inevitable roll your tee shot will get, you need to play this hole a lot shorter than the yardage indicates, trusting that you'll get the bounce you need to get the ball to the hole. It's wide open save for a bunker back right, so no one will take this as a difficult hole, but considering everything else River Downs has to offer, this is easily the best hole on the course. That isn't saying much, but you take what you can get.

The third hole.

The fourth hole is a mid-length par 4 awkwardly squeezed between a big hillside right and a railroad line left, with the landscape tilted right to left, opposite the subtle left to right turn of the fairway. Clearly, left is a bad place to miss and you'd honestly be smart to aim away from the fairway entirely. Golf balls will run down off the hill back toward the fairway, especially in dry summer conditions. The green here is small, with two bunkers right and a small but steep dropoff to the left. Not a particularly good hole, but at least driver is an option here. Better than the third long iron layup in four holes.

The fourth hole.

The fourth green.

The fifth hole is 540 yards and plays over level ground adjacent to a creek (actually the northern reaches of the Patapsco River). The fairway is reasonably wide, and there's no trouble to speak of save the trees on both sides. So feel free to hit driver, one of the few times at River Downs where you actually can. Since the hole is just a little too long for most people to reach in two, the second shot is just about staying in play, which will then leave a pretty basic pitch shot into a medium-sized, bunkerless green. With no elevation change, this hole really doesn't offer much.

The fifth hole.

Approaching the fifth green.

The fifth green.

The sixth hole is 375 yards and is really the epitome of target golf. Any drive that isn't 250-250 yards is going to be at a severe disadvantage; either you don't get far enough up the hill and have a long, blind second, or you go too far and end up with a delicate hanging wedge. That is, if you don't go through the fairway altogether and down into a giant pit. A pit you can play from, admittedly, but one you really don't want to be in. If you hit into position A, the second is a wedge over the pit to a green that isn't technically an island but does rather feel like it. Short is bad, right and long are dead, and while left is clearly the preferable miss, if you don't kick all the way down off the slope, the chip will be incredibly delicate and awkward.

The sixth hole.

Approaching the sixth green.

The sixth green.

The seventh hole can play as long as 185 yards, though the tees were up significantly for our round. The green is semiblind and angled 45 degrees from left to right. You definitely want to use an extra club here, as being short is not ideal. There were bunkers short right at one point, but now there's just grass. That doesn't stop the pitch from 10 feet below green level from being tough. A gentle fade aimed at the left side of the green will work very well here.

The seventh hole.

The seventh green.

The eight hole is a mid-length par 4 that plays down to a fairway that bends sharply from right to left, with the terrain falling the same way. The safe play is of course a 3 wood, leaving yourself a full wedge or short iron into the green. Or, if you're feeling bold, you can sling a driver down the left side, flirting with the left trees, leaving yourself just a little pitch. There are two bunkers vaguely in the vicinity of the green, off to the right, but you'd have to go entirely through the fairway on the drive or hit a really bad second shot to bring them into play. Or you could do what I did and do both of those things. At least I made the sand save, so one of my best drives of the day wasn't completely wasted.

The eighth hole.

The eighth green.

The ninth hole took notes on everything the first hole did then consulted with the sixteenth hole at Dauphin Highlands to make itself the most annoying hole imaginable. A forced lay-up on the tee shot? On the longest hole on the course, no less? You got it. A second shot to a too-narrow patch of fairway with trouble in all directions and with no clear indication of how long you need to hit in order to avoid the many, many unplayable hazards? Oh, of course we've got that as well. At least the sixteenth at Dauphin Highlands had an interesting green, this hole doesn't even off that.

This probably goes without saying, but a 580-yard par 5 where the singular option is to hit long iron, long iron, wedge is very bad design. There's nothing to do or to think about, you just hit the shot, hope you execute, then move on to the next shot and do the same thing. I think the seventh at Inness is still the worst hole I've ever played, but this has to be in the discussion. It's a bad hole and there is nothing here to redeem it.

The ninth hole.

Approaching the ninth green.

The ninth green.

That's it for this week, next week we'll take a look at the back nine.

Beer of the Week

The beer: Frosted Sugar Cookie 

The brewery: Southern Tier Brewing Company, Lakewood, New York

Description (from the website): "Gather ‘round the fire with all of your closest friends and cozy up to this delicious spectacle of pure sweetness that is sure to sprinkle your wintry days with joy. You won’t believe it’s beer and not a tin full of iced confections. Our Frosted Sugar Cookie Ale is full of soft and airy vanilla and cake notes, iced to perfection. Happy Holidays from ours to yours."

Would I buy it again? This is one of those beers that it's tough not to like. It's got vanilla cake flavor with plenty of sugar on the initial taste. But while it's difficult to get a beer like this wrong, it's also tough to really stand out. It tastes good and sweet, and it's great for a cold winter day. But there's also nothing here you couldn't find in a hundred other dessert-y beers. I can't say I'd pick this one over any other similar beer.